Tom (Thomas Aaron) Bolan

I first met Tom, when I (was Senior Vice President and responsible for establishing The Chrysalis Music Group USA) in New York January of 1983, when I interviewed him for the job of Copyright Manager. I had interviewed a lot of people, and Tom and I just clicked and I knew that he and I would work well together.


I was on my way to Cannes to attend Midem, and we continued the interview in my hotel room, and as he often enjoyed reminding me was handing me this or that bra. He got the job.


And so began a long, long and very close friendship, that had a few gaps in it, as life took us in different directions.


Tom's first task was to come to LA and organize moving all of the copyright and legal files to New York. He stayed with me at my 3 bedroomed apartment, and amused me a great deal when he decided one morning; that in his rental car he could beat me to the LA office. I was driving a shift BMW, and aside from the fact that I knew LA really well, and all the short cuts, I knew he stood no chance, however, found it amusing that he was prepared to challenge his new boss to a race!


I knew that Tom was gay from the first moment I met him (I have lots of gay friends), however, could not understand at all why he was pretending not to be. Decided to solve this by taking him out for dinner at my faourite restaurant, Le Dome, where he saw lots of celebrities, which he enjoyed. Some time during the dinner, I just asked if he had a boyfriend and what was his name and what was he like. So that solved that difficulty!


Tom's ability to arrive at the office on time in the morning was practically never, and his many excuses were always amusing. Also, he never had a simple health problem, something in his eye, would become an enbolism, a headache, a tumor and I learned that you can get a hangover from too much msg! What is that I asked, well it comes from eating too much Chinese food!


We had a truly unpleasant man, Jack Craigo, as President of Chrysalis Records (and if not for Terry Ellis breaking his word, I would have been President of The Chrysalis Music Group USA and not reported to Craigo) and he constantly complained to me about Tom's tardiness in the mornings. But then, Craigo complained about almost everything! Anyway, my response to Craigo, was that as Tom is prepared to work long hours past the hour of leaving in the evening; and come over to my apartment at weekends when necessary; to sort out a contract or copyright matter, I am fine with him being late in the morning. That ended that problem.


Tom's apartment was not too far from mine on the upper Westside and I was astounded at how much he had managed to fit into such a small place, including a piano. We often enjoyed a curry on a Sunday at my apartment.


I also had the pleasure of meeting his mother several times, who I understand tried to persuade Tom to marry me and in fact Tom did eventually ask me to marry him some time in the 2000's, as he wanted me to be taken care of. Mary was a very lovely and fine lady, who kindly crocheted a blanket for me and a beautiful lace collar, both of which I still have.


I hated shopping, however, there are times when you need clothes and Tom delighted in his story of being with me in the original New York Norma Kamali store, when an assistant came up to him and asked if he was looking for something in particular. As Tom was over 6' tall and a sturdy man, his response that "I don't think you'll have anything to fit me", was apt. In fact, I dragged him off shopping many times and he never minded at all.


I also met his lovely friend Geoffrey, and he and I became friends too. In fact, Tom told me some time much later that Geoff had wanted to marry me.


At Chrysalis, Tom was basically my right hand, and Tina Makris my left hand.


Tom was highly intelligent and a great asset to the company and for me. He was, however, dumbfounded at my memory. He knew that if he were to ask me a question about a provision or question about any of our many contracts, I would be able to give him the answer immediately.


He took me to my first opera in New York (I had been to one before, however, I think I was about 8), and was a little embarrassed that I kept laughing; apparently not something you do unless the opera is amusing. However, I found the fact that a cast member who died in the first act, appeared in the second, and that all of the actors dressed in Chinese outfits were wearing sneakers just plain funny!


We were a big part of each other's lives in New York.


I left the company in 1985, having finally had enough of Jack Craigo and his disrespect for people in general, his unpleasant manner and his haughtiness. I think the only time he was vaguely amusing was when he had a glass of wine or a joint.


Tom and I did meet up in London one time during his visit there, however, it wasn't a particularly enjoyable evening as one of the other guests was a self opinionated idiot who was head of some green party.


When I returned to LA in 1997, to help my brother, Tom and I caught up with each other again, although I can't remember how. He had now gone to law school and got a degree in that and I was really proud of him; in addition to his music degree from one of the top music colleges. He has played me some of his compositions and they are wonderful. We fell back into our easy friendship very quickly.


I shall be forever grateful that he helped and supported me often when I could not understand what my brother's lawyer was up to. We soon agreed that whatever it was, it wasn't good. Eventually, I was able to demonstrate to my brother exactly how bad his lawyer was, when he nearly went to jail for contempt of court and Tom found the best family lawyers, with one of the principle partners, a court appointed member of a Legal Children's Rights Group. And he always lent me his ear, when I got frustrated at how badly my brother was handling the custody battle in particular; since it involved two young girls and my ex sister in law is a sociopath.


I also got to meet his mother again when she came to visit him, and just as she was when I first met her, a lovely woman who adored her son.


Tom, unfortunately got into drugs. And I am no saint, having done them myself when I lived in New York. However, he did get into trouble and was eventually arrested and put in the LA County Jail, a very unpleasant place to be. Another so called friend, Cynthia Blatt; a woman I had also worked with at Chrysalis in New York, and whom I simply do not like nor respect and neither did Tom; wanted to leave him there. But I could not do this. And was able to post bail of $10,000 and went and collected him from the County Jail.


When Tom's beloved mother became sick, Tom went off to Opp, Alabama and as best as I could, I listened to him whenever he called and helped as much as I could, including paying his electricity bill, when I had barely enough money of my own. He repaid me.


Sadly, his mother's death increased his drug taking and although his taking drugs is not funny, his behaviour often was. He would call me and whisper into the phone and ask me to come over, where I would find him behind closed curtains surrounded by boxes, which he had not yet unpacked. And tell me that people were watching him. Whenever I drove him anywhere, he would point out that the adjacent car had a microphone. One really silly moment was in a drug store on Santa Monica Boulevard where we had gone to a pharmacy for him to pick something up. He disappeared and I was left standing there trying to look interested in all the health foods around for 20 minutes and being chatted up by a woman. Enough was enough; and I used my cell phone to call his cell phone and ask what on earth was he doing! He reappeared, asked me to pretend to faint and he would help me out of the pharmacy. No, I will not. We then had to drive up a street leading to nowhere, with him telling me that all the helicopters above were following him. Well, there are always loads of helicopters flying around LA and I had now had more than enough and demanded to know where he wanted me to take him. Which I did.

I persuaded him to get into a rehab, and took him there. It was an awful place and I particularly did not respect the owner, so I was not surprised when he showed up on my doorstep with his belongings. The rehab had already phoned me and advised me not to help him. But I could not leave him on the streets and so he came to live with my family, even sharing my bed until his snoring was keeping me awake so often, that I had to decide he needed to sleep on our sofa bed in our living room. He would often take Vanessa, the youngest one to school in his open top Toyata Celica, dance music blaring loudly, which she enjoyed and turning up at school in an open topped sports car.


In 2003, my ex friend, country singer Carlene Carter was in trouble, as her partner, Howie Epstein of over 10 years had died and not left a will, and Howie's ugly brothers (he and I had dinner one time, and he had told me how they only called him when they wanted something from him - very sad) were trying to take everything away from her, including a property she co owned with Howie in New Mexico. Tom did all he could to help her, and help me help her and I was very grateful for his help and advice. She never thanked him.


When Carlene was evicted from the house she shared with Howie in LA, I became a housekeeper for 3 months for a lovely old man in Beverly Hills. But his former housekeeper returned from living with her daughter in another state, and I was now homeless.


Tom took me in, together with my beloved German shephed, Anita and we lived together until about 2005 or perhaps later. During this time, we managed to sort out his sleep apnea (I'd kept nagging him about it, because my brother has the same and I knew the symptoms) when he finally fell into a cabinet and I cradled his head covered in blood waiting for the paramedics. He finally took care of his sleep apnea. Tom was a bit of a hypochondriac, which I knew already from working with him in New York, nevertheless I knew when he was really ill, and freqently took him to Cedars Sinai hospital late at night and stayed with him until he was treated and brought him home, or visited him if he had to stay.


He introduced me to Stephen King novels and films, as I thought that I didn't like Stephen King's work and I became a huge fan. And I am still reading one of his books that Tom gave me just before I went off to the UK. We had so much fun watching so many movies together, often with Anita joining us on his sofa. She would start by sitting, however, before not too long she would be stretched out and Tom and I would be perched on either end of his sofa!


I would also help Tom with his court filings, which he would get into a complete panic about and needed my help to calm him down and sort the papers into order as well as proof read them for him and make suggestions. Some of which he followed and others, he didn't. I also appeared in court for him, when one of his clients, Stuart Katsch (Tom grew to loathe him as he felt used for his legal expertise, and while Stuart paid him for some of the work, I am not sure he was ever really fully compensated) decided he was going to stay an extra few days in France with a boyfriend and pretend to be sick. I won the case, following Tom's directions, although I have to admit that the Judge was taken by my English accent.


There were two things I disliked intensely. His love of Wagner's opera's and his shopping at Cosco. One Wagnerian opera (The Ring I think) was truly, truly awful, in fact so awful, I became mesmerized to see how much more awful it could get (he did eventually admit to me that it was a very bad production!). Shopping at Cosco was an ordeal, with him wandering up and down the files for at least an hour, sometimes longer. I did share his love of Dr Who and Torchwood (and after moving into where I now live) when visiting him, we would watch these together. Although he would always try and get me to watch another of his collection of musicals, most of which I never liked. Musicals in general, not being to my taste.

He encouraged me in my pursuit of my dream to be a watercolor painter, and had two of my early paintings proudly displayed with other items he was proud of. And he also asked me to marry him again, so that I would get his widow's benefit, which was such a kind and caring offer.

We grieved together over the loss of his lovely friend, Geoffrey, and I visted him more often and we sat and he shared his memories of his friend and I listened to his grief and consoled him as best as I could.

With his bad foot making it impossible for him to drive, I took him to the bank whenever he needed that, his doctor's appointments (sadly, I had taken him to his HIV doctor the week before he died, and he was so excited that his HIV count was so low, that it was almost undetectable), local shopping and other errands he need to do. And Cosco! However, he had learned to shop more quickly, thank goodness. I would go over, when he was depressed and get him out of bed and get him moving. He enjoyed the company of my boyfriend, Jason, who he was kind to and accepted; and that was special to Jason, as he suffers with severe anxiety disorder, and Tom was one of the very few people he'd visit. So Jason misses him as well.

I was alone in the UK (my family had gone off skiing 3 days after I arrived, leaving me in charge of their ducks and chickens, and a puppy Labrador, Holly, which is another blog), when I received the email that Tom had died and I simply didn't know what to do. I was absolutely devastated. I felt really guilty that I had not been in LA still. One, because I had promised him he would never die alone; which he was so afraid of; and afraid for his beloved cats, which I promised him would not go back to the shelter he got them from (two of them I think, sadly have) and two, because if I had been here, I would immediately have gone over and taken him to the hospital. I knew Tom so well, that I could judge when he just needed company, or was sick and needed help. I would not have just called 911. A friend is a friend is a friend. Also, he had made me his agent in his Healthcare Directive and told me what he wanted, a privilege and an honor he gave to me. He is in mine.

I miss Tom very much and am still grieving over his passing. I enjoyed so many of our conversations, and visiting him and now whenever I drive near where he lived, I think of him more and have come to avoiding the area.

I am devastated at what Tom's so called friends have done to me, and know that he would be too. He had so often talked about what he would leave me; what was most precious to him; his rosewood cabinets and the semi precious stones, and his mother's punch bowl and cups.

Tom grew to loathe calls from either Cynthia Blatt or Stuart Katsch, as he just felt used by them for his legal expertise. I was often present when he would not take their calls. He was always afraid for his friend, Rick Soares, who drinks. One time, when still living with Tom, I had to drive miles to the beach to collect Rick because he was so drunk. And when Rick recently lost his license for a DUI, he was relieved that his friend would no longer be at risk driving.

Rick Soares lied to me in an email, telling me that I had not been included in Tom's will, and I only learned that I was, when the LA Public Authority phoned me to tell me. I cannot think of why Rick would lie about something he knew would hurt me. Not because of not getting anything, but that Tom had forgotten about me. I don't believe he did.

While I was in the UK, Rick emailed me for all sorts of information, that I knew and he didn't; and didn't care that that only added to my pain of losing Tom.

When I returned to LA, Rick called me and told me that he and Cynthia had gone through Tom's belongings and they had left some of them for me. It was hard for Jason and I to go over to Tom's apartment, however, it was even harder and made me cry when I saw what they had left for me. A kitchen trash bin, a rolling pin, mismatched cutlery, glasses, and basically just trash (Rick had even had the nerve to ask me to take what I didn't want to an AIDS goodwill store), nothing of any value at all and so I left most of it. There are a few things that I took, because I recognized them as coming from his mother; some made by her, which I thought his beloved cousin, Katherine (he often spoke to me about her and we had planned to go an visit his house in Alabama and I was looking forward to meeting her). He had told me of his difficult childhood, his hard grandfather and his other relations that wouldn't accept him because he was gay.

I cannot do much for Tom now and the only thing I can do as a blood donor, is donate blood in his memory at Cedars Sinai, where I had taken him so often and this I shall do.

Tom, I shall always remember you, your memory will not fade. I will remember our laughing together so often, our sharing Chinese meals, pizzas and watching films together. I shall remember your wit and your intellect, your helping my family (even if you did have me do errands for you in return - that was fair) and all the fun we had.