Anyone who has ever worked with me, would probably not hesitate to tell you that I have no problem speaking! And possibly lots of people who use the local store may well agree to, as I like chatting to other customers and the people at the check out, and the people who are always asking if they can help you. Makes the day a little bit more pleasant I hope for them, and it does for me. Especially children, who without exception always make me smile.
I've also had some funny moments in that grocery store and in various other stores, when I have asked for something in English English and no one has a clue about what I am talking! And generally they go to great length to understand me.
I remember two words in particular when I first moved to California, which one confounded two of us and the other had people I worked in total laughter.
The first involved z. Now in the UK we speak it "zed", and I could not understand how the information operator could not understand this letter, and couldn't think how to explain it. since I thought we shared all 26 letters of the alphabet. Of course, zebra did not occur to me. After a few long minutes, I finally said "it's the last letter of the alphabet". Zee, was the response.
The other involved my calling out of my office (rude in the first place) if anyone had a rubber! I could not understand why this was that funny. I did shortly.
I have an English friend who continued with his English English to a degree, where he refused to ask any to please hold the elevator, but used lift instead. I decided that that would lead to the lift leaving without me.
As I seek to get better at my watercolor/watercolour painting, I am also searching for what I can do (other than the current very tedious task of selling my many CDs) to earn some money, and being unable anymore to be in an office full of other people, I thought back to the recordings a friend made of my voice and me. Recorded some years ago, and on finding a good copy, rather than a rough mix, where I am laughing and correcting myself, which is all I could find, I decided to send mp3's to a few people.
The lovely factor about Facebook, is that I can be back in contact with people I really liked when I was still in the music business and this morning I emailed a good man, Bill Green, who I think I first met over 30 years ago. He came back to me with great suggestions, one of which was to include the fact that I would like to do voice overs in one of my blogs.
I'd particularly like to be able to read children's books and children's animation.
And my lovely sister in law, Becky, emailed me a great critique from one of the people she knows through the company that she manages, who reps people who do voice overs.
Anyone reading this, just bear in mind that if you need someone to read children's books I am up for it.
I have read for the Reading for the Blind and Dyslexic (I just had to google that and realize that I spelled it incorrectly when I replied to Bill!) who provide audio books for teaching purposes. And I enjoyed doing so. It was interesting to learn how to describe a diagram, or a footnote (there are prescribed ways to do so, to achieve the goal) and fortunately did not have to read any maths text books! I often wondered how people would listening to a book reacted to an English voice in the middle of American accents, as there was rarely enough time to read an entire book.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
What do you do when
the man you love is no longer making you happy, and you are no longer making them happy.
And all you feel is a very deep teary sadness, and that you don't want to make them any sadder than they already are. Because you have listened to all the awful things that were done to him and held him when he cried away some of the pain and hurt, but only some. Things that were done, which appall you to the point where you'd like to visit those people, and let them know the terrible damage they did to another human being.
When you know how it feels to be abandoned because that's what happened to you throughout your childhood into adolesence, as was the same for him.
You know that you love him and want to protect him and want him to fully understand that he is a good man, not just think he may be one.
That like him you have been searching all those lonely years for a companion, a lover and a best friend.
That you can see, given the chance, you could both enjoy friendship and laughter and love and closeness with each other?
That you feel leaving him would be just like abandoning a child, yet all you mostly feel is sadness. That you feel wary of what will be said or done next, and weary too.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Re the Art?? of Manipulation
The words of a Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers' song come to mind.
I won't back down, there aint no easy way, I shall stand my ground, I won't back down!
I won't back down, there aint no easy way, I shall stand my ground, I won't back down!
The Art (???) of Manipulation
I have just discovered that you cannot cut from another document and paste, which means that what could have been an introduction to this subject written in an email to a friend, has to be written again! Pissants.
Via email a guy friend from the music business and I were discussing the art of manipulation, which includes flirting to get something you want regardless of the impact on another person's feelings.
And that really sums up for me what manipulation means to me. Somebody using whatever means to get what they want, no matter the cost to others concerned.
And I realised that manipulation has been in my life from very early on, so if I could, I have had enough practical experience of it to use it. But then to do that, would mean to do exactly the opposite of what my less than saintly self has always tried not to do, and that's - hurt another person.
My Irish grandmother would not have even understood the word manipulate except perhaps the one time she manipulated the dead chicken's claws to move! She was love incarnate, and unconditionally loved everyone.
And when I look for the only other source of unconditional love I've experienced in my life now that I have lost Anita, I think of my Nan Fehin.
But, my English grandmother (and I understand that she had a tough life) manipulated all her children as much as possible, and failed miserably most of the time with her son, my Dad, but tried it nevertheless.
She certainly manipulated me and I knew it, and in the end would apologise for having said absolutely nothing, but listen to her lecture me or tell me bad things about myself! It was just simpler; and that carried on through until she died. And I loved her a great deal anyway. Lesson no 1.
When I was 9 (my brother's and my mum died when he was 4 and I was 5 and I still reckon he got the lucky break because he wasn't at school yet he went to stay with my Irish grandparents for 18 months, whereas I lived with my English grandmother (although this did give me the advantage of having three lovely aunts and their respective lovely husbands in my life and David got them too, but 18 months later), my father remarried. The woman who was extremely loving and far more friendly than the English grandmother my brother and I lived with when we would spend weekends with her and her two children (allowed to wear what we liked, run through fields, no criticisms, not telling offs), changed the minute she and my father married.
My life was hell for the next 10 - 11 years. I won't go into her art of manipulation, just that she was excellent at it. I tried very hard to get her to love me, but I do not love her. Lesson no 2.
Lesson no 3. The music business. Although before I joined that I had experience of manipulative people in the various art related businesses I worked in.
Sadly, in my experience, it was mostly women who used manipulation. And I can understand this from the perspective that we don't have the phsyical strength of a man, and can fall prey to using other means to safeguard ourselves.
In the latter instance, I cannot condemn any woman who would do this to save her own or her children's lives.
Maybe I was fortunate. The two main characters in my family were my brother and my dad, so most men I met, fell into either one or the other. I never found myself talking to guys any differently than I would a woman.
Two of the people I thought of as closest friends, I recognize now as manipulative, and knowing something of their childhood, I understand. But it sure cost me wasted time, money and emotional pain.
The music business was full of manipulators, master ones.
When I worked for Elton, he was still very insecure and there were many times I saw this used against him, by people supposedly there to take care of him.
We'd woo a band, every single member of them, sometimes against stiff competition and then ask them to ditch one of the members, who didn't quite hold the guitar the "cool" way. The worst was the duo. Who signs a duo, then splits them up. Sadly, the one who stayed did not fare anywhere near as well as the one let go, who made his own way with his own creative energy, and that was at the heart of the success of the duo!
I did try manipulation for a short period, when trying to work for a man at a company I loved and who had become my family. He made it clear at every point possible to the extent that managers noticed it, that I had to tow the line, his line. I simply could not and I stopped towing the line, and in the end, I also simply could not take the pressure of trying to put a stop to how other people I worked with, including acts, were treated as bits and pieces. I left the company.
Happened again when I went back to working for a music company and again I simply could not deal with it. I do have the precious memory of the entire administrative staff taking me out for lunch and offering in full force to leave and join me, if I would start a new music company.
The last 12 years of my life have been forever changed by manipulation. In the music business I sorted of understood it. It's a dog eat cat world. I am not a saint as I've written earlier - far, far away from being one, however, I draw the line at engaging someone ele's vulnerable feelings in order to acquire what I want. Better not to get what I want, if that's what I have to do.
Because I am not a saint, while I may think of things I can do, I know that I would pay a heavy personal penalty if I did use manipulation. And also know that having learned at the hands of masters how to manipulate, I have also similtaneously learned the emotional damage this usually does to people you love. End of lessons.
Via email a guy friend from the music business and I were discussing the art of manipulation, which includes flirting to get something you want regardless of the impact on another person's feelings.
And that really sums up for me what manipulation means to me. Somebody using whatever means to get what they want, no matter the cost to others concerned.
And I realised that manipulation has been in my life from very early on, so if I could, I have had enough practical experience of it to use it. But then to do that, would mean to do exactly the opposite of what my less than saintly self has always tried not to do, and that's - hurt another person.
My Irish grandmother would not have even understood the word manipulate except perhaps the one time she manipulated the dead chicken's claws to move! She was love incarnate, and unconditionally loved everyone.
And when I look for the only other source of unconditional love I've experienced in my life now that I have lost Anita, I think of my Nan Fehin.
But, my English grandmother (and I understand that she had a tough life) manipulated all her children as much as possible, and failed miserably most of the time with her son, my Dad, but tried it nevertheless.
She certainly manipulated me and I knew it, and in the end would apologise for having said absolutely nothing, but listen to her lecture me or tell me bad things about myself! It was just simpler; and that carried on through until she died. And I loved her a great deal anyway. Lesson no 1.
When I was 9 (my brother's and my mum died when he was 4 and I was 5 and I still reckon he got the lucky break because he wasn't at school yet he went to stay with my Irish grandparents for 18 months, whereas I lived with my English grandmother (although this did give me the advantage of having three lovely aunts and their respective lovely husbands in my life and David got them too, but 18 months later), my father remarried. The woman who was extremely loving and far more friendly than the English grandmother my brother and I lived with when we would spend weekends with her and her two children (allowed to wear what we liked, run through fields, no criticisms, not telling offs), changed the minute she and my father married.
My life was hell for the next 10 - 11 years. I won't go into her art of manipulation, just that she was excellent at it. I tried very hard to get her to love me, but I do not love her. Lesson no 2.
Lesson no 3. The music business. Although before I joined that I had experience of manipulative people in the various art related businesses I worked in.
Sadly, in my experience, it was mostly women who used manipulation. And I can understand this from the perspective that we don't have the phsyical strength of a man, and can fall prey to using other means to safeguard ourselves.
In the latter instance, I cannot condemn any woman who would do this to save her own or her children's lives.
Maybe I was fortunate. The two main characters in my family were my brother and my dad, so most men I met, fell into either one or the other. I never found myself talking to guys any differently than I would a woman.
Two of the people I thought of as closest friends, I recognize now as manipulative, and knowing something of their childhood, I understand. But it sure cost me wasted time, money and emotional pain.
The music business was full of manipulators, master ones.
When I worked for Elton, he was still very insecure and there were many times I saw this used against him, by people supposedly there to take care of him.
We'd woo a band, every single member of them, sometimes against stiff competition and then ask them to ditch one of the members, who didn't quite hold the guitar the "cool" way. The worst was the duo. Who signs a duo, then splits them up. Sadly, the one who stayed did not fare anywhere near as well as the one let go, who made his own way with his own creative energy, and that was at the heart of the success of the duo!
I did try manipulation for a short period, when trying to work for a man at a company I loved and who had become my family. He made it clear at every point possible to the extent that managers noticed it, that I had to tow the line, his line. I simply could not and I stopped towing the line, and in the end, I also simply could not take the pressure of trying to put a stop to how other people I worked with, including acts, were treated as bits and pieces. I left the company.
Happened again when I went back to working for a music company and again I simply could not deal with it. I do have the precious memory of the entire administrative staff taking me out for lunch and offering in full force to leave and join me, if I would start a new music company.
The last 12 years of my life have been forever changed by manipulation. In the music business I sorted of understood it. It's a dog eat cat world. I am not a saint as I've written earlier - far, far away from being one, however, I draw the line at engaging someone ele's vulnerable feelings in order to acquire what I want. Better not to get what I want, if that's what I have to do.
Because I am not a saint, while I may think of things I can do, I know that I would pay a heavy personal penalty if I did use manipulation. And also know that having learned at the hands of masters how to manipulate, I have also similtaneously learned the emotional damage this usually does to people you love. End of lessons.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
John Waite and winning a bet
I have just (or rather my boyfriend did) move all of my vinyl albums from storage to where I am currently living with the intention of selling them. So many memories to each of them.
Anyway, I also found my gold disc of John Waite's EMI solo album, No Brakes, with the single, "Missing You". John personally presented me with this disc and I treasure it, and will not part with it.
I also remember very clearly that Jeff Aldrich head of A & R at Chrysalis bet me that "Missing You" would not go to number 1, which I said it would.
And it did!!
John has a great voice, is a good bloke and I am glad he's out there performing again.
Anyway, I also found my gold disc of John Waite's EMI solo album, No Brakes, with the single, "Missing You". John personally presented me with this disc and I treasure it, and will not part with it.
I also remember very clearly that Jeff Aldrich head of A & R at Chrysalis bet me that "Missing You" would not go to number 1, which I said it would.
And it did!!
John has a great voice, is a good bloke and I am glad he's out there performing again.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Billy Idol and Steve Stevens
The sad death of Bill Aucoin, who as I have written, I loved dearly, brought me to thinking about Billy Idol, and of Steve Stevens.
Billy I first met in the UK, when he was still a member of Generation X, a fantastic band.
The group arrived and they were all so polite and delightful! Having only recently met another to be left unamed punk band, who had come in with their delightful producer and were just being rude (if you were punk, you were supposed to be rude!). I politely told them that there was no need for this and to stop, which they did.
Shortly after I went to the famous Wardour Street Marquee, and saw them perform. I was incredibly impressed that they had chosen a steel band to open for them. Great.
Billy's performance was electrifying and while I had got used to the exuberance of punk audiences, the one that night was just way, way great. I didn't quite get the idea behind the spitting from Billy, however, it was all part of his great showmanship. Fantastic show! I stayed far back.
Anyway, the second time I was to meet Billy was a while later after I had moved to Los Angeles. There was a Chrysalis party and Billy and I ended up on the patio chatting at first quite happily, before we got into a heated argument about who came up with punk bands first, the US or the UK and I definitely disagreed vehemently with his then opinion that there were no real punk writers/performers in the US. I named Gary Valentine as one of the foremost at that time. I suppose it's a British thing, but we don't really treat stars (except for Her Majesty and Royal Family, where protocol plays a large part in one's behaviour) with any difference. They're people too. I think that some of the Chrysalis US staff were rather aghast at my having a full on argument with one of the artiststs. Nevertheless, that argument sealed a great relationship between Billy (when I saw him, which wasn't that often) and me.
Now to Steve Stevens!
What an amazing guitarist and the albums that he and Billy created together are still among my most favourite music.
Eyes Without A Face is among my top 20 favourite songs. (And discussing this as potential release in an A & R meeting, someone pointed out that you couldn't dance to it [!!], Terry Ellis got up put his arms around me and to the chagrin [as usual] of Jack Craigo, we danced.)
My funniest and most favourite memory of meeting with Billy was going to the hotel where he and Bill were staying to discuss business, and Billy asking me if I would please try on the lingerie he had just bought for his girlfriend! Not quite part of my job as head of his publishing company, was my response with a laugh.
Steve, always dressed as a punk, yet was one of the most polite and affable men I have ever met.
Back in the UK one time and staying with Nick Lowe and Carlene Carter, we had a party and finding that Steve was in town I invited him to join us. As soon as he walked in the house dressed all in black plastic and earrings, etc, I saw the look on Nick's then current drummer, and before the latter had a chance (there was always a thing between pub rockers and punk bands), told him in no uncertain terms that Steve was one of my good friends and, please, do not be rude to him.
I am glad that Steve and Billy are back together and I hope one of these days to get to see them perform again.
Billy I first met in the UK, when he was still a member of Generation X, a fantastic band.
The group arrived and they were all so polite and delightful! Having only recently met another to be left unamed punk band, who had come in with their delightful producer and were just being rude (if you were punk, you were supposed to be rude!). I politely told them that there was no need for this and to stop, which they did.
Shortly after I went to the famous Wardour Street Marquee, and saw them perform. I was incredibly impressed that they had chosen a steel band to open for them. Great.
Billy's performance was electrifying and while I had got used to the exuberance of punk audiences, the one that night was just way, way great. I didn't quite get the idea behind the spitting from Billy, however, it was all part of his great showmanship. Fantastic show! I stayed far back.
Anyway, the second time I was to meet Billy was a while later after I had moved to Los Angeles. There was a Chrysalis party and Billy and I ended up on the patio chatting at first quite happily, before we got into a heated argument about who came up with punk bands first, the US or the UK and I definitely disagreed vehemently with his then opinion that there were no real punk writers/performers in the US. I named Gary Valentine as one of the foremost at that time. I suppose it's a British thing, but we don't really treat stars (except for Her Majesty and Royal Family, where protocol plays a large part in one's behaviour) with any difference. They're people too. I think that some of the Chrysalis US staff were rather aghast at my having a full on argument with one of the artiststs. Nevertheless, that argument sealed a great relationship between Billy (when I saw him, which wasn't that often) and me.
Now to Steve Stevens!
What an amazing guitarist and the albums that he and Billy created together are still among my most favourite music.
Eyes Without A Face is among my top 20 favourite songs. (And discussing this as potential release in an A & R meeting, someone pointed out that you couldn't dance to it [!!], Terry Ellis got up put his arms around me and to the chagrin [as usual] of Jack Craigo, we danced.)
My funniest and most favourite memory of meeting with Billy was going to the hotel where he and Bill were staying to discuss business, and Billy asking me if I would please try on the lingerie he had just bought for his girlfriend! Not quite part of my job as head of his publishing company, was my response with a laugh.
Steve, always dressed as a punk, yet was one of the most polite and affable men I have ever met.
Back in the UK one time and staying with Nick Lowe and Carlene Carter, we had a party and finding that Steve was in town I invited him to join us. As soon as he walked in the house dressed all in black plastic and earrings, etc, I saw the look on Nick's then current drummer, and before the latter had a chance (there was always a thing between pub rockers and punk bands), told him in no uncertain terms that Steve was one of my good friends and, please, do not be rude to him.
I am glad that Steve and Billy are back together and I hope one of these days to get to see them perform again.
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