Know this film has been out for a while, however, couldn't watch it through the first time, but finally managed to.
As a caveat - while I am thrilled it was directed and produced by a woman, Kathryn Bigelow, I was disappointed to see very few women in the tech crew, or credit with anything else other than as PAs or make up. Why do so few successful women not help other women.
Anyway, back to the film.
Such an excellent production and really brought home to me, what soldiers truly go through when sent off to war.
For some reason I identified stronly with the lead character. Reminded me a little of my own defiance and how I dealt with the boys' club music business. Summon up the sinews and back into battle every day, however, always with my own brand of humour - laughing at myself. And unlike Ms. Bigelow, defending and supporting women whenever and wherever I could.
How anyone seeing this film could support war and sending men and women into harm's way everyday is beyond my comprehension.
Eddie Izzards stand up routines on war are one, very funny, however, more icrucially, his use of irony to show the futility of war. I have never believed war achieves any lasting good.
We send men and women daily into danger, backed, of course, by the arms manufactures. So we get back to Bush and Cheyney and the legacy they've left the US. I sincerely believe they should be indicted for war crimes against the American people.
How many men and women do we have now, who are suffering from going to war? How many men, women and children live in dire poverty. Whole families living in a motel room. Others in camper vans (as in the street where I live), an estimated 54% of the population living on food stamps. Others living on the street.
I do not, for one second, believe that the war against Iraq was necessary and the responsibility for the thousands that have been killed or maimed forever, lie at the feet of Cheyney and Bush.
As an aside, I met him once at a private dinner in Tortolla (British Virgin Islands), and found him to be a stupid person. While I had always been politically minded in the UK, I was naive to US politics at the time (he had just been the popular loser for a seat in the Sentate, I believe) and I asked him what he was going to do now - his response, not sure. How could anyone destined for a political life, not be sure about what he would do next! Any conversation with him was almost an impossibility, and I just ended up thinking, this is one stupid man - is that what politics in the US is all about (I had only been in the US nearly a year by the time I met him) and gave up trying to talk to him. Since I am pretty good at talking to anyone, including Thurgood Marshal, who I'd had the privilege of meeting when a woman friend was appointed a judge in California by Judge Rose Bird (?) inaugaration I had been invited to, a short time after I arrive in LA in 1978. Although I remember being far more interested in just listening to him. What an amazing man.
And back to Bush for a moment, his wife, Laura, was so much livelier and interesting and likeable, a woman you could respect.
Much better that the Peace Corp was formed and sad that Sargent Shriver, its founder recently died. God bless him. However, what an incredible legacy he left. Men and women who travel around the world to make a peaceful difference. Just a short quote from Wikipedia's info on him
"After the Kennedy Assasination, Shriver continued to serve as Director of the Peace Corps and served as Special Assitant to President Lyndon Johnson. Under Johnson, he created the Office of Econmic Opportunity with with William B. Mullins and served as its first Director. He is known as the "architect" of the Johnson's adminstrations's "War on Poverty". We definitely could do with him now!
"War on Poverty" is what will ultimately make a difference here and worldwide, and a heritage you could be proud of, not war, which leaves mutilated children and people behind to live out lives, with probably much bitterness against the US invasion. As well as the returning soldiers here, who are left with the nightmares of war they've experienced and how do they manage to overcome that? How do they learn to live a normal life again? How do they become a "normal" police man for instance?
I live in poverty, and I consider myself one of the fortunate ones. I have a roof over my head, and a bed to sleep in.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
To be or not to be
in a relationship with a man who I love very much, and who has similar mental disabilities to mine. But who has never learned how to love, or how to be responsible in a relationship.
And so much to do and wondering where on earth to start.
If I had known in 1997 that my returning to Los Angeles would end with me being surrounded by devastation as well as feeling devastated and such emotional pain, I am not sure that I would have turned down the job of running a UK publishing company, and selling a home to help him and his two daughters. And now none of them speak to me anymore and I have just been discarded - no more use for me!
I went downhill from being a well respected music executive, who as a woman had succeeded in pushing the boundaries in a male dominated business [Was the first women nominated for the ASCAP Board of Directors. Was offered the job of starting the publishing companies for Nonesuch, Asylum and Electra by Joe Smith, who personally called me to arrange our meeting, but I turned it down out of loyalty to Chrsysalis, a company, who in the end cheated me out of having shares when they went public. Turned down interviewing for running Rondor Music, because I believed my friend, Lance Freed should get the job.], to living in one room, with what's left of my belongings in storage.
I just want to curl up and go back to sleep and wake up and all is sorted, but that won't work, so I'll just "summon up the sinews" (Shakespeare - did learn something at school!) and just do a bit at a time.
I do have a special treat to look forward to, however, and perhaps I should just think of that while I doggedly get through the muddle, and that's going to spend three weeks with my other brother, and his lovely wife, Becky (who actually knows who I am and respects me) and my great nephews, Ben and Luke.
And my friend Franca has just called me and made me laugh and allowed me to cry. So on with my day, which has to start with my least favorite job of being a struggling watercolor painter, and that's matt paintings I've sold, and some I've promised as gifts.
So I'll be.
And so much to do and wondering where on earth to start.
If I had known in 1997 that my returning to Los Angeles would end with me being surrounded by devastation as well as feeling devastated and such emotional pain, I am not sure that I would have turned down the job of running a UK publishing company, and selling a home to help him and his two daughters. And now none of them speak to me anymore and I have just been discarded - no more use for me!
I went downhill from being a well respected music executive, who as a woman had succeeded in pushing the boundaries in a male dominated business [Was the first women nominated for the ASCAP Board of Directors. Was offered the job of starting the publishing companies for Nonesuch, Asylum and Electra by Joe Smith, who personally called me to arrange our meeting, but I turned it down out of loyalty to Chrsysalis, a company, who in the end cheated me out of having shares when they went public. Turned down interviewing for running Rondor Music, because I believed my friend, Lance Freed should get the job.], to living in one room, with what's left of my belongings in storage.
I just want to curl up and go back to sleep and wake up and all is sorted, but that won't work, so I'll just "summon up the sinews" (Shakespeare - did learn something at school!) and just do a bit at a time.
I do have a special treat to look forward to, however, and perhaps I should just think of that while I doggedly get through the muddle, and that's going to spend three weeks with my other brother, and his lovely wife, Becky (who actually knows who I am and respects me) and my great nephews, Ben and Luke.
And my friend Franca has just called me and made me laugh and allowed me to cry. So on with my day, which has to start with my least favorite job of being a struggling watercolor painter, and that's matt paintings I've sold, and some I've promised as gifts.
So I'll be.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Craig Ferguson, Farmers Insurance
On September 9, 2008 at approximately 1.25 I was waiting (2nd in line at traffic light and I always leave space between me and car in front) for the light at Curson and Beverly to change.
For a second I thought that the world had ended, and in a way, my world did end that day.
I was rear ended by Craig Ferguson's wife, Megan Cunningham Ferguson. She was driving a Continental Navigator weighing goodness knows what tons, and she was so apologetic; while being on the the phone at the same time; and told me that her brakes had failed.
Being British, I did not think of lawyers at all. But, when the Farmers Insurance adjuster came to inspect the car advised me that I might only get $100 for it, I was totally aghast.
This was the first accident I had had (aside from minor dings) in 42 years of driving and I was taught to drive in the UK, where the test is far more stringent than I found in Los Angeles.
Plus, although I felt only shock the morning after the accident, and aching, I thought that would pass.
My boyfriend hurt his elbow as he was thrown forward and his hands hit the dashboard. I negotiated $1,000 for him, which he received within about 3 weeks.
As my pain increased, I phone a music biz lawyer and a really good friend of mine for 32 years now. He referred me to a law firm.
I suffer with post traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks and chronic depression, however, was learning with the help of a really excellent psychiatrist to deal with these, plus the right medication.
The accident took all my successful strides forward in trying to live a 'normal' life away from me. I felt vulnerable on the road, and never drove the volvo (thank goodness it was a station wagon) again, except for a few emergency hospital visits.
I ended up with a lawyer, who I will say little about, except that after an extremely successful career in the music industry, where I was used to instructing lawyers, negotiating tough deals; and was even offered by U2's and Pat Benatar's lawyer; a job with his firm and that he would put me through law school, I would not recommend them to anyone.
The doctor they recommended me to, had the bedside manner of a knat.
My chiropractor, Dr Rob Pohomac on the other hand did the best he could for me, and I would recommend him to anyone with the knowledge that he is great.
I also have an extremely good memory and it still amazes me how often this lawyer would say they'd do something, then not do it, and say that they'd never said they would.
I calculate that the accident took 2 years away from my life. And I shall never know whether the terrifying impact caused my beautiful companion dog, a German Shepherd, Anita, to develop spinal degenerative disease earlier than she would have done. I miss her still.
My lawyer informed me that they would file by December 2009, but did not file until March. Farmers Insurance (google them and see how many lawsuits there are against them) claimed that all of my injuries were due to my age! I am not sure how whiplash is due to age, nor the pain radiating around my right shoulder and down my right arm.
Eventually, I gave a deposition to Farmer's lawyer. I am not known to lie and was regarded in the music business as both ethical and honest. I did not lie about what the accident did to me.
I was then advised by my lawyer that Craig Ferguson did not want his wife to have to appear in court, and as I knew she was pregnant, I agreed to mediation the opposing counsel requested. Besides which, my lawyer had filed the case so late, it would not have been heard until sometime in 2011. And living any longer with the case in my life, was not something I felt that I could deal with.
For permanent whiplash damage that I shall have for the rest of my life, and damage to my pelvis, I ended up with just $18,000 in damages, plus the cost of replacing my car, which I negotiated myself. Megan's car cost $11,000 to fix. My lawyer got $11,000. Looking at it from one point of view, it appears that my constant daily pain is only worth $6,000 more than repairing a car and my lawyer's lacksidasical handling of my case.
I wrote to Craig and his wife and sent them a copy of my deposition. I specifically wrote that I did not want anything from them, I just wanted them to know what Farmers had done to me and perhaps to consider changing their insurance company, but only if it would not cause them any disadvantage.
Coincidentally, I had met Craig a few years earlier somewhere on Robertson Boulevard just north of Santa Monica Blvd. and spoken to him and told him how great he was in "Saving Grace" and "The Big Tease". I did not realise at that time, that he also wrote the films scripts. I thought him a very likeable man, and one I could respect.
Neither Craig, nor his wife, Megan have had the courtesy to respond. Just a simple, "I am really sorry that this happened to you" would have been sufficient. I know that Megan did not deliberately drive her car into mine. But they have not. And this causes me to wonder what kind of people they really are, however, I wish them no ill will and hope that they will continue to be a happy couple.
In time my resentment will pass, however, I know that even with yoga and other exercises, sleeping with my head over a pillow to strech my neck into the opposite position to which the impact threw it, and stretching my pelvs and walking, I shall always have whiplash damage.
For a second I thought that the world had ended, and in a way, my world did end that day.
I was rear ended by Craig Ferguson's wife, Megan Cunningham Ferguson. She was driving a Continental Navigator weighing goodness knows what tons, and she was so apologetic; while being on the the phone at the same time; and told me that her brakes had failed.
Being British, I did not think of lawyers at all. But, when the Farmers Insurance adjuster came to inspect the car advised me that I might only get $100 for it, I was totally aghast.
This was the first accident I had had (aside from minor dings) in 42 years of driving and I was taught to drive in the UK, where the test is far more stringent than I found in Los Angeles.
Plus, although I felt only shock the morning after the accident, and aching, I thought that would pass.
My boyfriend hurt his elbow as he was thrown forward and his hands hit the dashboard. I negotiated $1,000 for him, which he received within about 3 weeks.
As my pain increased, I phone a music biz lawyer and a really good friend of mine for 32 years now. He referred me to a law firm.
I suffer with post traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks and chronic depression, however, was learning with the help of a really excellent psychiatrist to deal with these, plus the right medication.
The accident took all my successful strides forward in trying to live a 'normal' life away from me. I felt vulnerable on the road, and never drove the volvo (thank goodness it was a station wagon) again, except for a few emergency hospital visits.
I ended up with a lawyer, who I will say little about, except that after an extremely successful career in the music industry, where I was used to instructing lawyers, negotiating tough deals; and was even offered by U2's and Pat Benatar's lawyer; a job with his firm and that he would put me through law school, I would not recommend them to anyone.
The doctor they recommended me to, had the bedside manner of a knat.
My chiropractor, Dr Rob Pohomac on the other hand did the best he could for me, and I would recommend him to anyone with the knowledge that he is great.
I also have an extremely good memory and it still amazes me how often this lawyer would say they'd do something, then not do it, and say that they'd never said they would.
I calculate that the accident took 2 years away from my life. And I shall never know whether the terrifying impact caused my beautiful companion dog, a German Shepherd, Anita, to develop spinal degenerative disease earlier than she would have done. I miss her still.
My lawyer informed me that they would file by December 2009, but did not file until March. Farmers Insurance (google them and see how many lawsuits there are against them) claimed that all of my injuries were due to my age! I am not sure how whiplash is due to age, nor the pain radiating around my right shoulder and down my right arm.
Eventually, I gave a deposition to Farmer's lawyer. I am not known to lie and was regarded in the music business as both ethical and honest. I did not lie about what the accident did to me.
I was then advised by my lawyer that Craig Ferguson did not want his wife to have to appear in court, and as I knew she was pregnant, I agreed to mediation the opposing counsel requested. Besides which, my lawyer had filed the case so late, it would not have been heard until sometime in 2011. And living any longer with the case in my life, was not something I felt that I could deal with.
For permanent whiplash damage that I shall have for the rest of my life, and damage to my pelvis, I ended up with just $18,000 in damages, plus the cost of replacing my car, which I negotiated myself. Megan's car cost $11,000 to fix. My lawyer got $11,000. Looking at it from one point of view, it appears that my constant daily pain is only worth $6,000 more than repairing a car and my lawyer's lacksidasical handling of my case.
I wrote to Craig and his wife and sent them a copy of my deposition. I specifically wrote that I did not want anything from them, I just wanted them to know what Farmers had done to me and perhaps to consider changing their insurance company, but only if it would not cause them any disadvantage.
Coincidentally, I had met Craig a few years earlier somewhere on Robertson Boulevard just north of Santa Monica Blvd. and spoken to him and told him how great he was in "Saving Grace" and "The Big Tease". I did not realise at that time, that he also wrote the films scripts. I thought him a very likeable man, and one I could respect.
Neither Craig, nor his wife, Megan have had the courtesy to respond. Just a simple, "I am really sorry that this happened to you" would have been sufficient. I know that Megan did not deliberately drive her car into mine. But they have not. And this causes me to wonder what kind of people they really are, however, I wish them no ill will and hope that they will continue to be a happy couple.
In time my resentment will pass, however, I know that even with yoga and other exercises, sleeping with my head over a pillow to strech my neck into the opposite position to which the impact threw it, and stretching my pelvs and walking, I shall always have whiplash damage.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
I hate microsoft and other things
why is it I feel that when I am using microsoft, they are in fact using me! Why do I feel that my laptop belongs to them and they certainly didn't give it to me for free.
Why do they change my English English to American English, when I am writing English English because that's what I want to do!
I have just spent about 20 minutes trying to respond to my lovely friend Franca's recent blog on eye contact, only to have it deleted 6 times before I gave up and just wrote a plain old "great blog" message.
Franca writes about eye contact and I can't remember the Italian phrase, however, I agree with her. You can understand another person much better eye to eye, whether they are bullshitting you (lot of that in the music biz), just plain lying, or trying to get something from you, or they are just (preferable) a lovely person.
On the other hand, you could also, as I did, find yourself turning around and coming face to face with Paul Newman standing in line to get his car back and go completely ga ga at those oh so very beautiful eyes
She also wrote about Il Postino and Massimo Troisi. The film, along with Mediterraneo are among my most favourite films ever. I did not know that Massimo was also a comedian, and have to wonder whether Eddie Izzard is too. Franca wrote about Massimo talking with God and reminded me of Eddie doing the same - doling out methods of procreation for animals, the giraffe is really funny, calling his son jeezey creezy and annoying him, all in a James Mason voice.
Wonderful blog Franca, even if I couldn't write a lot of the above and get the comment successfully posted. After 20 minutes of trying, even my tenacity failed me! Love you
Why do they change my English English to American English, when I am writing English English because that's what I want to do!
I have just spent about 20 minutes trying to respond to my lovely friend Franca's recent blog on eye contact, only to have it deleted 6 times before I gave up and just wrote a plain old "great blog" message.
Franca writes about eye contact and I can't remember the Italian phrase, however, I agree with her. You can understand another person much better eye to eye, whether they are bullshitting you (lot of that in the music biz), just plain lying, or trying to get something from you, or they are just (preferable) a lovely person.
On the other hand, you could also, as I did, find yourself turning around and coming face to face with Paul Newman standing in line to get his car back and go completely ga ga at those oh so very beautiful eyes
She also wrote about Il Postino and Massimo Troisi. The film, along with Mediterraneo are among my most favourite films ever. I did not know that Massimo was also a comedian, and have to wonder whether Eddie Izzard is too. Franca wrote about Massimo talking with God and reminded me of Eddie doing the same - doling out methods of procreation for animals, the giraffe is really funny, calling his son jeezey creezy and annoying him, all in a James Mason voice.
Wonderful blog Franca, even if I couldn't write a lot of the above and get the comment successfully posted. After 20 minutes of trying, even my tenacity failed me! Love you
Monday, December 27, 2010
How does one let go of the past
when it won't let you go?
Post traumatic stress disorder is a pretty tough condition to deal with, and I cannot imagine how much more difficult it must be for soldiers, who have experienced the horror of war.
I find that I have no clue what will trigger mine. I know that smoking pot helps stop the fragmentation of my mind, which I can only describe as viewing a kaleidescope of broken chards of glass.
2011 was (with the exception of the years my Dad died, my lovely Aunt Tricia died and my beautiful cousin, Stewart died) the worst year. Even worse than working for Jack Craigo and being cheated by Chrysalis, a company I gave my loyalty to and turned down many job offers to stay with them. This included an invitation by Joe Smith to start the publishing companies for Electra/Ayslum/Nonesuch and I still feel a complete idiot for not taking that job. So much pain would have been avoided. My trust in people I looked up to, broken
In spite of all that one of my brothers has done to me; because again I was an idiot and came back to Los Angeles to help him keep his two daughters (lost all of my money and 90% of my furniture); I sent him an email asking for peace between us, but no response.
How does one let go of that hurt, when that brother has been with me all of my life and we used to have so much fun together as children, just discards me?
Franca Cavaricci (someone I met through managing the most difficult artist I encountered in over 30 years in the music business!) has helped me tremendously and made me laugh as we share our problems. She is an inspiration.
Cindy is another such woman friend. Anyone listening to us share our various illnesses and trials and tribulations, laughing hard all the way through, would probably think us fit for a sanitorium.
So many what ifs in my life. I hope that there is a parrallel world (love Stephen King and his Towers series), in which I am once again the smiling child who ran through the green fields of my mother's birth place, Liscarroll in County Cork.
May we all have a happy New Year and a much better 2011, especially for those people, who have lost their homes, their jobs, families living in a motel rooms, and the estimated 54% who survive on food stamps. May we not lose anymore people whose lives were in such despair, they could not go on living.
As we go forward into 2011:
may President Obama succeed (and be allowed to) in changing the corruption perpetrated by the previous government and that has penetrated throughout the country. May he change America back to the country I first moved to, where although I was a bit confused that an actor could become President, we had some equality.
May the 10% of the people who own 90% of the wealth in the world become more charitible and think of others. May Warren Buffet and Bill Gates with their inspiring desire to share their wealth and help the needy, turn towards this country as well as America (although I do not know whether this is true as I have only heard this). May others join them.
May people like Angelina Jolie and Bradd Pitt continue their efforts to make a difference not only in foreign countries, however, as they did in New Orleans.
May we never ever again see people crowded into a stadium in awful conditions, because an ineffective government could not do their appointed jobs and allowed such awful suffering.
May women at last have more meaningful roles in government, may there be more of the and may we leave behind the absolutely ridiculous notion that women are not equal to men. May we have women leaders like Golda Meir, and not like Maggies Thatcher. May women learn that they do not have to do things the way men have, however, use their difference to make a difference.
Post traumatic stress disorder is a pretty tough condition to deal with, and I cannot imagine how much more difficult it must be for soldiers, who have experienced the horror of war.
I find that I have no clue what will trigger mine. I know that smoking pot helps stop the fragmentation of my mind, which I can only describe as viewing a kaleidescope of broken chards of glass.
2011 was (with the exception of the years my Dad died, my lovely Aunt Tricia died and my beautiful cousin, Stewart died) the worst year. Even worse than working for Jack Craigo and being cheated by Chrysalis, a company I gave my loyalty to and turned down many job offers to stay with them. This included an invitation by Joe Smith to start the publishing companies for Electra/Ayslum/Nonesuch and I still feel a complete idiot for not taking that job. So much pain would have been avoided. My trust in people I looked up to, broken
In spite of all that one of my brothers has done to me; because again I was an idiot and came back to Los Angeles to help him keep his two daughters (lost all of my money and 90% of my furniture); I sent him an email asking for peace between us, but no response.
How does one let go of that hurt, when that brother has been with me all of my life and we used to have so much fun together as children, just discards me?
Franca Cavaricci (someone I met through managing the most difficult artist I encountered in over 30 years in the music business!) has helped me tremendously and made me laugh as we share our problems. She is an inspiration.
Cindy is another such woman friend. Anyone listening to us share our various illnesses and trials and tribulations, laughing hard all the way through, would probably think us fit for a sanitorium.
So many what ifs in my life. I hope that there is a parrallel world (love Stephen King and his Towers series), in which I am once again the smiling child who ran through the green fields of my mother's birth place, Liscarroll in County Cork.
May we all have a happy New Year and a much better 2011, especially for those people, who have lost their homes, their jobs, families living in a motel rooms, and the estimated 54% who survive on food stamps. May we not lose anymore people whose lives were in such despair, they could not go on living.
As we go forward into 2011:
may President Obama succeed (and be allowed to) in changing the corruption perpetrated by the previous government and that has penetrated throughout the country. May he change America back to the country I first moved to, where although I was a bit confused that an actor could become President, we had some equality.
May the 10% of the people who own 90% of the wealth in the world become more charitible and think of others. May Warren Buffet and Bill Gates with their inspiring desire to share their wealth and help the needy, turn towards this country as well as America (although I do not know whether this is true as I have only heard this). May others join them.
May people like Angelina Jolie and Bradd Pitt continue their efforts to make a difference not only in foreign countries, however, as they did in New Orleans.
May we never ever again see people crowded into a stadium in awful conditions, because an ineffective government could not do their appointed jobs and allowed such awful suffering.
May women at last have more meaningful roles in government, may there be more of the and may we leave behind the absolutely ridiculous notion that women are not equal to men. May we have women leaders like Golda Meir, and not like Maggies Thatcher. May women learn that they do not have to do things the way men have, however, use their difference to make a difference.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Remembering friends with thanks
The music business is not a business I should like to be a part of anymore, however, so many great memories. And some dark moments too.
However, FB has me back in touch with people I really enjoyed and respected, Nigel Grainge and Chris Hill are just two. When they had their company together and I would occasionally have lunch with them, they added more to my grin lines in an hour - almost as good as Eddie Izzard.
Franca Cavarricci has kept me going through a tough year and it's so great to have her friendship. She'll phone me in the morning and I shall be laughing within seconds.
I've been able to let one friend have a copy of his vinyl album, as he never kept one.
Billy Bass, an inspiring co worker and the first friend to buy one of my giclees of Tea with Klee, really encouraging me, as he is the master of taste.
Susan Whittred, who I am so proud of for changing her career completely, getting into Cornell Uni and becoming a veteranarian (think that's correct!) and enjoying her life.
The beautiful Lydia Sarno, irrepressible Vicki Giordano, Linda Carhart, who did such an amazing job organizing two Chrysalis reunions East Coast and West Coast.
Eve Lenton of Belle Epoque, Black is Black and her gorgeous brother, Albert.
Tiffany Lowe who I first met as a 3 year old and who has two of the most gorgeous children, Luna and Lux.
Life is a little more than tough for me at the moment for too many reasons to share, however, I know I have friends who have known me for so long, and their continued friendship and respect for me, outweighs the darker side of family relationships, which have just hurt me deeply.
However, FB has me back in touch with people I really enjoyed and respected, Nigel Grainge and Chris Hill are just two. When they had their company together and I would occasionally have lunch with them, they added more to my grin lines in an hour - almost as good as Eddie Izzard.
Franca Cavarricci has kept me going through a tough year and it's so great to have her friendship. She'll phone me in the morning and I shall be laughing within seconds.
I've been able to let one friend have a copy of his vinyl album, as he never kept one.
Billy Bass, an inspiring co worker and the first friend to buy one of my giclees of Tea with Klee, really encouraging me, as he is the master of taste.
Susan Whittred, who I am so proud of for changing her career completely, getting into Cornell Uni and becoming a veteranarian (think that's correct!) and enjoying her life.
The beautiful Lydia Sarno, irrepressible Vicki Giordano, Linda Carhart, who did such an amazing job organizing two Chrysalis reunions East Coast and West Coast.
Eve Lenton of Belle Epoque, Black is Black and her gorgeous brother, Albert.
Tiffany Lowe who I first met as a 3 year old and who has two of the most gorgeous children, Luna and Lux.
Life is a little more than tough for me at the moment for too many reasons to share, however, I know I have friends who have known me for so long, and their continued friendship and respect for me, outweighs the darker side of family relationships, which have just hurt me deeply.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
What do you do when your heart is breaking
and you can see no end in sight to the sadness that has haunted you throughout your life?
Suicide causes so much pain, yet I do not blame my mother. I know how close I have come myself to just give up and not try to get through another day, because I cannot see a future that makes any sense to me.
What do you do when you are just surrounded by the debris of bits of your life that did exist, reminding you of feats that you achieved, people you somehow managed to help, just because you could. Clothes you could wear before you just gave up caring how you looked. Because what is the point.
You plough through bits of paper that you kept for a reason and you look at them and even though it's been a while since you have, you still see that there's valuable information you could use sometime in the future. So yet again you don't throw that bit away.
But then you can't see a future, you can't even imagine a future and sadly you no longer know how to imagine a future anymore
Suicide causes so much pain, yet I do not blame my mother. I know how close I have come myself to just give up and not try to get through another day, because I cannot see a future that makes any sense to me.
What do you do when you are just surrounded by the debris of bits of your life that did exist, reminding you of feats that you achieved, people you somehow managed to help, just because you could. Clothes you could wear before you just gave up caring how you looked. Because what is the point.
You plough through bits of paper that you kept for a reason and you look at them and even though it's been a while since you have, you still see that there's valuable information you could use sometime in the future. So yet again you don't throw that bit away.
But then you can't see a future, you can't even imagine a future and sadly you no longer know how to imagine a future anymore
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