Getting lost and found

It's the day before Christmas and there are no mice around. It's still very quiet. My loved one is asleep and I am thinking of the past year. Not a great one in some respects. I've already written about how my post traumatic stress disorder got completely beyond my control to the point where one Saturday in late September, I simply and angrily wrote "I am very angry and I am an idiot", then went to sleep. I knew I had to do something and that was to get to Lynda Steel, an incredible woman, who had helped me get sober and taught me so much. In retrospect if I had actually stayed at her Project Reovery Inc, my Chevy pick up would be working as I would never have got stuck in Barstow, N. California. Where two Triple A Autoclub accredited companies; Barstow Towing and Barstor Fuel 76 (who wrecked my engine) conspired to steal it. A problem I have yet to find a solution for. And Los Angeles is not fun without a car to get around in. However, I had such an adventure getting to Project Recovery Inc. My sense of direction is not the best in L.A. where at least I recognize horizons; and out there on the freeways on my way to Salt Lake City, I managed to take a wrong turn in Nevada and ended up in Arizona. The initial part of my journey was frightening. My ptsd was bad, my panio attacks were awful. I had an ear infection and the sound of the trucks aggravated that, and combined with panic attacks sent me off the freeway in fear and flight many times. Usually, I try to get off at an exit, however, the side of the freeway will do if necessary until I can calm myself down and get back on the road again. One fear and flight happened just before an exit and unconcerned where it would lead me I left the freeway, just desperate to get off. I drove around quiet country road between 3-4 a.m. in the morning and at crossroad, I came across a small village of pebbled roads and neat trailers. It seemed a good place to take a nap. Driving very slowly and quietly through it to an end of one road, I found myself looking at the one place in all the world I have wanted to visit since reading about The Hopi Tribe in one of James Mitchener's books. I had arrived at Black Rock. Black Rock is the Spiritual Home of The Hopi Tribe and there it was. A dark velvet gray mountain range with a crystal clear sky; the sun coming up in the west, a bright silver gold and the pale white ghostly moon waning in the east. The many stars were so bright overhead; and above the range as if suspended, shimmered a silver cross. Or Silver Eagle as I learned it's also referred to. Immense peace came to me; I was in awe. All fear left me and I knew who I was again. I atayed there for at leaast an hour, sketching; and hope that I will be able to paint a picture and capture some of the magic I witnessed. I was fine; I'd found me again. I could have driven back to L.A., however, I had made a commitment to Lynda and nher daughter, Leah and I continued my route to Salt Lake City. Plus, I wanted to see my sister and her family who live there. Of course, I was not surprised to find myself several hours later on the other side of the Black Rock mountain range! This time in a parking area, with trucks and other cars. Here I met Chas from Georgia; a truck driver, who kindly brought out his map and we wrote specific freeways to follow. To no avail, I got lost again and I am not sure where, except that yet again a truck driver from Wisconsin helped me. He also used his own rope to more securely tie down the tarpaulin that was a constant parachute in my rear mirror. At rhw beginning of August I decided to finally apply for American Citizenship, at which point I learned that women are not equal under the USA Constitution. I was totally horrified and guess that I had never noticed because I came here equal under British law and assumed the same applied in the US. I decided to take a sample poll with the simple question (no political affiliation asked for), "Do you believe women should be equal under the US Constitution". Continuing to get lost, or at least uncertain whether I was on the correct route, I stopped a lot, including to get gas and something to eat. I calculate I met around 300 people before I arrived back in LA, and all but 5 answered yes. I was particularly fortunate at one Comfort Inn; where a very kind young woman also let me charge my sell phone; to meet a tourist coach party having breakfast. They were from all over the States. I asked the same question at each stop, consequently my poll was pretty accurate in terms of the country's population and I believe it's reasonable to state that between 90-95% believe women should be equal under the Constitution. An aside, however, learning The Constitution in preparation for my Citizenship, I find it surprising to learn that women were equal under the original 10 Bill of Rights, as they refer to a President being impeached, as he or she. Odd to ponder that we all came here in search of freedom and as the Constitution developed, groups were excluded then included again, until we are left with only women not being equal. However, President Obama will correct this. Back to my unplanned road trip. For the first time since I moved to this country in 1978, I was among "normal" Americans, not ones from the entertainment business and there are great people in this country. Everyone I asked for help from, gave it willingly and I learned so much. There are people suffering from the economy, yet they work hard and do not complain. Why should I complain about a childhood and adolescence that I cannot much remember; except for the good times; and let it affect me now. I do not remember all of the names of the people I met, however, I remember the tall African American Walker brothers from Texas who helped me get back into my Chevy after I locked my keys and the spare set in it. Kasey; originally from Persia; who I met in Ontario and who kindly tried to find the nail I thought was in one of my tires. He and I had a great political discussion and I learned a very different story of why the Shah of Persia was forced to abdicate. He asked me to help him write his life story, which I hope to be able to do. There was Denise Polido who worked at a Daybreak Inn, who was so kind and caring and I wrote in my quasi journal "calmed me down". Wendy, Joyce, Brandon and their pekenese Violet who I met in Territorial, when I stayed at their inn. There I also saw Monezuma's Castle, a National Monument well worth visiting and you can learn some of America's history and the ranges built up over millions of years. I met so many, many kind people. I had time to listen to the radio, NPR and the BBC and learned so much. I finally ended up at Project Recovery Inc and still feel guilty that Leah in particular worried about me taking so long to get there, with my getting lost so many times. Getting lost, however, helped me find myself again.

An Unexpected Journey and A Cautionary Tale

I set off for Salt Lake City on September 2, to enter Project Recovery, as my post traumatic stress disorder had gone way beyond my control.
I had tried various other ways to calm that (ptsd group, church and bible study,and 12 step meetings) and my panic attacks and depression, but had become a human yo yo. Swinging from manic to suicidal. Sometimes it was hysterically funny, and I would accordingly laugh at myself! Other times, I would simply break down and cry.
Sadly, I managed to alienate my immediate family, although some have forgiven me.
The increase in my post traumatic stress disorder (as well as loss of appetite, or binge ice cream eating and the return of horrible nightmares) was a steady incline from my first ever serious car accident(42 years of driving and only minor dings and scrapes to that point, plus one of my friends, a UK police constable had taught me as well as a boat builder and other friends - anyone except my adored Dad or my ex husband)on September 9, 2008 at approximately 1.25 p.m. on my way to a therapy session.
Craig Ferguson's wife, Megan Cunningham Reid, literally drove into my car in a Continental Navigator, while I was waiting for the traffic lights to change on Beverly Boulevard and Curson. I was looking to the traffic light on my right,so all damage done to that side, plus pelvis. I have persevered and corrected my body using the exercises given to me by Max Pohomac, MD, a lovely, lovely man,who really cares about his patients. As do his delightful staff. Practise (323) 244-4763 6200 Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90038
Fortunately, I was driving a Volvo Station Wagon, otherwise I think that my passenger and I would have been seriously injured and my beloved companion dog,a beautiful German Shepherd, Anita (laying on the back seat)possibly killed.
I only drove that car a few more times, as it was too much of a reminder of the accident.
And people in LA in their SUV's believe they are invincible!
For the second (the first was in a banger car race, where the first go around, I was so slow, I was lapped! However, in the demolition Derby at the end with 32 cars on the track - and provoked by mechanics after I had ended up in the middle of the track, who suggested I just go off again and hit a car - which I did, and ended up being one of the last three cars,facing the MD of EMI Records) time in my life,I was hit so hard, I thought the world had collapsed. I saw Jason thrown backwards and forwards,his hands against the glove compartment.
Both Megan and I moved towards each other, each of us asked if the other was okay. Megan is very kind young woman. Craig is very fortunate. And he is also a fine actor and screen writer - his "Saving Grace" had me in laughter from beginning to the end, especially the scene in a British tiny grocery store where two old ladies have drunk what they think is herbal tea, and it is, however, of the kind one may occasionally smoke.
Anyway, back to my journey - and the car accident that started off the journey.
Well, I was stupid. I negotiated some money for the damage to Jason's elbow from hitting the glove compartment and that was paid within 4 weeks. I negotiated the money for the damage to my Volvo, which Farmers Insurance (a company I very much dislike, but not their insurance agent) also accepted and I would have received that quickly, BUT, I made a mistake!
I phoned a lawyer (who I once admired and trusted) having decided I needed a lawyer! And they recommended one. A friend of their wife's.
I am told by said lawyer that they will file the complaint against Farmers in December 2008. Sounded reasonable to me.
But do they file in December - no - they do not. They do not file until February of 2010!!
My Deposition is not taken until July 2010, now I am faced with Mediation or a trial in 2011.

I was confident that psychotherapist, Lynda Steele would be able to help me as she had when I had entered Cirque Lodge in its early days in November 1999.






How funny, of course I remain genuine and unique.
I too have been manic and diverted from what I had intended to do. My attempt to get people to sign my petition for Equal Rights for women under the USA Constitution have so far not done very well. For lots of reasons, however, not through my lack of persistence.
I have spent hours and hours per day since I set up the Petition on The White House Pages Petitions.
I have raised my internet presence so much, that yesterday, the influential Huffington Post awarded me no 1 profile.
And as you know, seeking fame was never my thing. I've only ever given a few interviews and then only to people I trust would not make such a big thing of the fact that I am a woman.
I have certainly used every marketing skills I've learned over many years and in different businesses (do you know that I have run companies since I was 18/19 (with only 2 o'levels) - and I suppose if I wanted to I could continue to be high profile!
Are you coming over for any particular reason?