To be or not to be

in a relationship with a man who I love very much, and who has similar mental disabilities to mine. But who has never learned how to love, or how to be responsible in a relationship.
And so much to do and wondering where on earth to start.
If I had known in 1997 that my returning to Los Angeles would end with me being surrounded by devastation as well as feeling devastated and such emotional pain, I am not sure that I would have turned down the job of running a UK publishing company, and selling a home to help him and his two daughters. And now none of them speak to me anymore and I have just been discarded - no more use for me!
I went downhill from being a well respected music executive, who as a woman had succeeded in pushing the boundaries in a male dominated business [Was the first women nominated for the ASCAP Board of Directors. Was offered the job of starting the publishing companies for Nonesuch, Asylum and Electra by Joe Smith, who personally called me to arrange our meeting, but I turned it down out of loyalty to Chrsysalis, a company, who in the end cheated me out of having shares when they went public. Turned down interviewing for running Rondor Music, because I believed my friend, Lance Freed should get the job.], to living in one room, with what's left of my belongings in storage.
I just want to curl up and go back to sleep and wake up and all is sorted, but that won't work, so I'll just "summon up the sinews" (Shakespeare - did learn something at school!) and just do a bit at a time.
I do have a special treat to look forward to, however, and perhaps I should just think of that while I doggedly get through the muddle, and that's going to spend three weeks with my other brother, and his lovely wife, Becky (who actually knows who I am and respects me) and my great nephews, Ben and Luke.
And my friend Franca has just called me and made me laugh and allowed me to cry. So on with my day, which has to start with my least favorite job of being a struggling watercolor painter, and that's matt paintings I've sold, and some I've promised as gifts.
So I'll be.